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Compulsively talky and engagingly disjunctive." -Publishers Weekly "The incessant familiarity of the writer's secret self makes his world entertaining and bizarre. 6° of Kevin Bacon 244 Victory Boulevard 246 Copyrighted material Copyrighted material AND TO THINK THAT HE KISSED HIM ON LORIMER STREET Laura says Labor Day is the most bittersweet of holidays.

Published in the United States by Dumbo Books of Brooklyn Brooklyn, New York dumbobooksofbrooklyn.E-mail: [email protected] 1-4116-7595-9 First Edition 10 98765432 1 Copyrighted material For Linda Konner, my friend for fifty years Copyrighted material Copyrighted material TABLE OF CONTENTS And to Think That He Kissed Him on Lorimer Street 1 In the Sixties 19 Diary of a Brooklyn Cyclones Hot Dog 25 Heat of the Moment 31 Mohammad's Therapy Monkey 58 Seven Sitcoms 64 Vampires of Nor tfav est Arkansas 74 Branch Libraries of Southeastern Brooklyn 79 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow 94 My Life in the New York Post 102 Presidential Snapshots 107 The Cool Guy 110 Conselyea Stree t 115 The Lost Movie Theaters of Southeastern Brooklyn and Rockaway Beach 126 Shirtless Teabag-Eating White Boys 139 They Don 't Make Nostalgia Like They Used To 141 Two Totally True Tales Featuring The Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan as Cupid 149 Babysitting Laurence Fishburne 156 Melissa and the Good Legislator 162 69 Reasons to Date My Aunt Aisha 1 72 Seven Men Who Made Me Happy 1 78 Schmuck Brothers of East Harlem 189 Three Scenes from My Life (with Special Guest Star Truman Capote) 203 Bottom, New York Times, Front Page, Tiny Print 208 Land of Golden Giants 215 G-d Is My Fuckbuddy 232 Forgotten Movie Screens of Broward County 235 98.

" "No thanks" is my instinctive reply to Nick's question, but instead I just sigh and lift my eyebrows, a cliched gesture my characters also favor. He's been a college student - at NYU - for at least a week now.

"I'm talking about your CBGB-and-Club-82-going, Ramones-and-Blondie-listening, hanging- with-Legs- Mc Neil days," Nick says. Still in high school, Nick will be a senior at Stuyvesant, where they met in the Gay-Straight Alliance.

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Other times he'd annoy me, like the time he said I was getting so pretentious that if someone Copyrighted material 6 stuck a pin in me, I'd deflate and fly around the room like a pricked balloon. One day we were walking to Baskin-Robbins on Flatbush Avenue and suddenly he said we needed to cross the street.

/ did my other scenes with girls, playing the brutally seductive Jean to Karen Kramer's Miss Julie, wearing my tightest T-shirt to be Stanley Kowalski opposite Nina Camerlengo's Blanche du Bois, getting into bed (four desks moved together) with my wife Rosemary Benevenuto in The Fourposter.

Still, Stephen and I remained tight and took the B-6 bus together our first day at Brooklyn College. "You know, alcohol and all, they're afraid of trouble." "Okay," I say. " "Nah, with those cargo shorts you'll fit right in." "Fongool," I tell my son.

Only when I pressed him later did he tell me he 'd seen his father coming in the other direction. "You don't know what it's like to hear all that shit all night and see your mother with two black eyes in the morning, " he told me.

"Sweet," says Nick in response to my atavistic Brooklyn curse.

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